January 22, 2008
First Up: Britney Spears was quoted as saying, "You're better off being homeless than being me."  I have to agree.  At least the homeless wear underpants and know where they are going.
Item 2:  Dateline--Los Angeles 
Ringo Starr will be performing a free concert this Friday.  Well, not exactly free, passersby are encouraged to throw spare change into his hat.
Item 3:  The FDA has found that food from cloned animals is safe.  The only side effect of eating cloned meat is a horrible sense of déjà vu.
Item 4:  A Sad Note
A New York window washer fell 47 stories to his death.  The sad part?  He missed a spot!
Item 5: Question of The Week
Was an obese intellectual the original Think Tank?"
Item 6: Dateline--Zimbabwe
The Central Bank will be issuing a 10 million dollar bill.  According to financial experts, that's the equivalent of a down payment on a grass hut or milking rights to the village goat.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A woman goes the doctor for baby's first exam.  The doctor weighs the baby, measures the baby and asks if the baby is breast-fed or bottle-fed."  "Breast-fed,"she replies.  "Well, strip down to your waist," says the doctor, and the woman complies.  He pinches her nipples, presses them, kneads them and rubs them, and finally declares, "No wonder the baby is underweight.  You don't have any milk!"  "I know," answers the woman, "I'm the Grandma, but I'm sure glad I came along for the ride."