February 12, 2008
First Up: Ninety six percent of people surveyed said they wouldn't want to know when they were going to die.  The other four percent voted for Dennis Kucinich.
Item 2:  John Mellencamp sent a letter to John McCain asking him to stop playing "Little Pink Houses" at his campaign rallies because he said it was written by a liberal who supported John Edwards.  McCain shot back with, "I thought was written by a Log Cabin Republican."
Item 3:  Dateline--England
A married couple found out they are actually twin siblings who were separated at birth.  Doctors are urging them not to have children in order to avoid a gene mutation that causes straight teeth and loose upper lips.
Item 4:  Fun Fact You Should Know
The ancient Egyptians believed that before you could go to heaven, you were asked two questions:  Did you have joy in your life? And, "Did you bring joy to others?" Regardless of the answers, one thing was for certain:  That dirty little whore Joy was definitely not going to heaven.
Item 5: I've Got Some Good News and Some Bad News: 
The Good News:  Amy Winehouse won five Grammy Awards on Sunday.  The Bad News:  Amy was mad because she thought they would be the kind of Grammy's that come in little plastic baggies.
Item 6: Dateline: Mississippi
A state legislator wants to ban restaurants from serving fat people.  Customers will know which eateries are complying by the lobby signs that say, "Please Lose Weight To Be Seated."
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A woman was in the kitchen about to make breakfast when her husband walks in.  "Make love to me this very second!" demands the wife.  The husband happily complies.  Afterwards she says thanks to her husband and returns to the stove.  Puzzled, he asks, "What was that all about?" "The egg timer's broken"