March 11, 2008
First Up: Rolling Stone has endorsed a presidential candidate for the first time. The magazine is backing Barack Obama. In a related story, John McCain has been endorsed by Antique Weekly and the cast of "Menopause: The Musical," will hit the campaign trail for Hillary.
Item 2:  Political experts believe that Hillary Clinton won the Texas Primary in part due to the television ad that asked, "When the red phone rings at 3:00 am, do you know if Osama will be around to answer it?" John McCain says the ad actually helped him, because everyone knows that at 3:00 am, he's already been up three or four times to pee.
Item 3:  Dateline-Iraq
Iranian President Ahmadinejad visited the war torn country.  He was greeted by Iraqi President Talabani, who kissed him on the cheek four times.  For those keeping track, that's one kiss per cheek.  He also said the US must withdraw from Iraq immediately, making him a top contender for the Democratic Vice-Presidential slot.
Item 4:  Fun Fact You Should Know
Last Sunday was the 126th anniversary of Alexander Graham Bell's first phone call.  The call was placed to his assistant and consisted of one sentence:  "Mr. Watson, come here, I need you."  It was also the 126th anniversary of Bell becoming the world's first Gay Inventor.
Item 5: Dateline--Berlin, Germany
A new report has found that German soldiers are more overweight than civilians.  They came to the conclusion during routine physical exams.  The soldiers were asked to describe their feet, and the majority answered, "I see nothing.  I see nothing."
Item 6: Kirstie Alley is denying rumors that her career is in a tailspin because she's regained most of the weight she lost.  She says that she has never been more in demand.  In fact, she's set to star in the new motion picture, "Sisterhood of The Elastic Pants."
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A man has tickets on the 50 yard line at The Super Bowl. The seat next to him remains empty well into the first quarter.  Finally, the guy behind him asks if the seat is taken. "No," he says, "No one is coming for it."  Astonished, the guy asks him, "Why would anybody in their right mind not use a great ticket for The Super bowl?"  "Actually, the ticket belonged to my wife, but she just passed away," answered the man.  "We've been to every Super Bowl together since 1976."  "Oh that's terrible," says the guy, "but couldn't you find a friend, or a family member or even a neighbor to take the seat?" "I tried," answered the man, "But they're all at the funeral."