March 25, 2008

First Up: A new study has found that petting your cat can reduce your risk of stroke.  The study went on to say that those who pet their one-eyed trouser trout are definitely going to experience multiple strokes.
Item 2:  Sylvester Stallone plans to take over the Death Wish film franchise made famous by the late Charles Bronson.  He said he got the idea after both Rocky 6 and Rambo 4 were labeled "career death wishes" by critics and audience members alike.
Item 3:  A California doctor is offering mail-in mental illness tests to anyone willing to send him a sample of their salvia. Of course, anyone comfortable drooling into an envelope is probably a little kooky.
Item 4:  Fun Fact You Should You Know 
Fifty percent of lingerie is returned to stores, and thirty percent of the men are actually still wearing it upon return.
Item 5: Dateline--Philadelphia 
After a long battle with local commissioners, Joe Vento,  owner of Geno's Steaks, was granted permission to display a sign in his shop that says, "This is America:  When ordering, please speak English."  After hearing the news, Vento's only comments were, "Grazi and Bon Apetito, Bay-bee!"
Item 6: The CW Network has eliminated its comedy department, but insisted, "We're not out of the comedy business."  In fact, they've renewed "Everybody Loves Chris" and plan to franchise the show it a la Law & Order.  Spin-offs include, "Everybody Hates Dane Cook," "Everybody Hates Carrot Top" and "Everybody Hates The CW."
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A Bingle Fairy Tale:  Once upon a time, one day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who didn't whine, nag or bitch.  But this was a long time ago…and it was just one day.