April 15, 2008
First Up: Dateline--Sunland, California
Two big rigs collided, spilling thousands of pounds of onions onto the 210 Freeway.  According to an eyewitness, no one was hurt, but everyone was crying.
Item 2:  Dateline--Florida
A 93 year-old man was arrested for soliciting a prostitute is claiming entrapment.  According to the geezer's lawyer, the man simply asked the Working Girl if she wanted to take a ride on his Rascal.
Item 3:  The Los Angeles Times has apologized for a story about the death of Tupac Shakur that was apparently fabricated. A senior editor promised, "This is the last time we use Hillary Clinton as a fact checker."
Item 4:  And Speaking of Rappers…I've Got Some Bad News and Some Good News  The Bad News: Vanilla Ice was arrested on domestic battery charges.  The Good News: This is his first hit in years.
Item 5: Fun Fact You Should Know
Pete Rose turned 67 years old yesterday, or as he calls it, 61 plus the vig!
Item 6: Dateline-Missouri
A man accidentally killed his wife while he was trying to install satellite television using a .22 caliber pistol as a wall hole-punch.  Ironically, the last thing she said to him was, "You care more about your damn TV than you care about me."
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
Chelsea Clinton returned home from a date.  Hillary asked her if she had a good time, and Chelsea replied, "Yes, I think I might be in love." "You didn't have sex, did you?" asked Hillary. "Not according to dad," she answered.