May 20, 2008
First Up: Senator Ted Kennedy was hospitalized after having a seizure at his home.  His prognosis is very good because this time, he didn't wait his standard ten hours before calling for help.
Item 2:  A new study has found that forty-two percent of homeless people are at risk of dying prematurely.  The other fifty-eight percent said they have way too much to look forward to.
Item 3:  Educators are hoping that the latest Indiana Jones movie will spark young people's interest in history and ancient antiques.  So is John McCain.
Item 4:  Question of the Week
Why don't they make mouse-flavored cat food or ass-flavored dog food?
Item 5: The Los Angeles suburb-and my home town-West Covina, California, has filed a lawsuit against a landlord who rented the same single-family home to 26 different people.  He almost got away with it since it's not that uncommon to see 26 families living in the same house in Los Angeles.
Item 6: According to a recent medical study, fat that accumulates around the hips and buttocks may reduce the risk of diabetes. Researchers came to this conclusion after staring at J-Lo's ass.  I mean studying J-Lo's ass.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A big game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother in-law.  On their third night in the wild, the mother-in-law went missing.  Panicked, the wife woke her husband.  He grabbed his rifle, took a swig of whiskey and off they went looking for her.  In a clearing they saw her, backed up against a thick, impenetrable vine, face-to-face with a huge, angry male lion.  "What are we going to do?" cried the wife.  "Nothing," replied the husband, "The lion got himself into this mess, and he can get himself out of it."