June 10, 2008
First Up: Dateline: Los Angeles, California
At a recent press conference, Mayor Antonio Villaragosa declared, "We recycle more trash than any other city."  Then he announced his plans to run for Governor.
Item 2:  A new study has found that childhood obesity could finally be leveling off.   The study had an accuracy rate of plus or minus ten percent due to the fact that, "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down."
Item 3:  Dateline: Washington, DC
Former Wonder Woman star Lynda Carter discovered a body floating in the water near her home.  Police don't think she was involved in the suspected crime, but they are positive that she will not be cast in Lifetime's reenactment of the suspected crime.
Item 4:  I've Got Some Good News and Some Bad News 
The Good News:  I got a new job in showbiz.  The Bad News:  I'm a house boy for Ed McMahon.
Item 5: A Sad Note
An Australian man almost died when a snake bit him on his, um, "Down Under."  The Sad Part?  The snake had to explain to his wife how he got herpes.
Item 6: Rosie O'Donnell says even though gay marriage is legal in California, she and her partner Kelly plan to wait until it is legal in all 50 states until they re-tie their knot.  And, she wants time to lose enough weight to fit into her wedding overalls and work boots.
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A woman goes to the doctor.  After the exam, the doctor calls the woman's husband into his office and says gravely, "I don't like the looks of you wife at all."  "Neither do I," answers the husband, "but she's a good cook and she's great with the kids."