A new law goes into effect today, making it illegal to use a cell phone while driving. Hands-free devices are still allowed, so I broke down and got a blue tooth. I actually got two, so I can call my other ear while I'm driving.
Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton appeared together for the first time since she conceded the presidential nomination. They told supporters that they "are united." And, much like flying United, beginning today Hillary will start pay a hefty fee to check all of her extra emotional baggage.
Jack Kirkham, the inventor of the spring-bar tent, passed away at the age of 89. He said he got the idea for the tent while he was camping as a young boy. He had a blanket over his crotch while reading Playboy with a flashlight.
The Mayor says there's no proof that the 17 expectant high school girls made a "Pregnancy Pact." "The only thing we know for sure," he said, "Is that they were all members of the Jamie Lynn Spears Fan Club."
According to NASA scientists, the ice discovered by the Phoenix Lander disappeared because the atmosphere on Mars is too thin to support it. In other words, Martian ice doesn't melt, it simply turns to gas. The complete opposite of Eskimo farting.
The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
A professor was giving a lecture on Involuntary Muscular Contractions to his
first year medical students, and wanted to liven things up, so he asked a young
woman in the front row, "Do you know what you're a-hole is doing while you're
having an orgasm?" "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
