August 12, 2008
First Up: I  saw Traveling Pants over the weekend. Not the movie, just John Edwards discussing his campaign stops.
Item 2:  Rabid Barack Obama supporters will be the first to receive news about the senator's running-mate choice via text message.  John McCain is considering doing the same thing, and will spend the next few weeks consulting the manual of his new-fangled i-Phone.
Item 3:  Paris Hilton is working with comic book legend Stan Lee to create a super hero based on her.  She will be called Wonder Why Your Famous Woman.
Item 4:  Nancy Pelosi is promoting her new autobiography.  When asked why now, the Speaker of The House replied, "Because I want to capitalize on the nine percent approval rating of Congress." 
Item 5: Dateline--Acapulco, Mexico
A woman said she fought off a 500 lb. lion with a machete after it showed up in her yard.  Animal activists denounce the woman's attack on the undocumented cat, explaining it was just there trying to feed its family.
Item 6: Dateline-Austin, Texas
Twenty-six cheerleaders got stuck in an elevator at a summer camp.  Officials say there was nothing wrong with the elevator; it's just really hard to get that many cheerleaders to go down at once.
 
And Finally:

The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week
What do you call a pantry full of lesbians? A Licker Cabinet.