Click on a year to see the reports: 2008 2007 2006 2004 2003
September 02, 2003
First Up:
A new study has found that 95 percent of men admitted to masturbating. The other five percent couldn't handle the question.
Item 2:
Dateline - Santa Clarita, California: The city's program of recycling dirty diapers will be discontinued. According to the program manager, "People will have to dispose of them the old-fashioned way: In the parking lots of WalMarts and Target stores.
Item 3:
During a six nation meeting, North Korean officials said that they are planning to test a nuclear bomb. A US official responded, "That's so weird! So are we! Right in the middle of your capital."
Item 4:
A Sad Note: Cowgirl Connie Reeves passed away at the age of 101. She died after being thrown from her horse. Eyewitnesses say that she was a true cowgirl to the end. Even after she died, she got back on her horse.
Item 5:
California Governor Update: Comedian Gallagher, who's running for the highest office in California, has just clinched the watermelon pickers union vote. Also, Gary Coleman has come up with a new campaign slogan, "Elect Me Governor and I can Be My Own Security Guard."
Item 6:
Dateline - Albany, New York: The state's Attorney General is suing a travel agency that was actually a front for men seeking sex from Asian prostitutes. He said he became suspicious when men called and asked for "The John Bizarre Special."
And Finally:
The Bing Crosby Joke of The Week: Three nuns die, go to heaven, and are met by St. Peter. The Keeper of The Pearly gates says, "Sisters, you all lead such wonderful lives, I'm granting you six months back on Earth to be anyone you want to be." The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren" and poof! she was gone. The second nun says, "I want to be Madonna" and poof! she was gone. The third nun says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter, visibly confused says, "I'm sorry, but that name doesn't ring a bell." The nun takes a newspaper clipping from her pocket and hands it to St. Peter. He reads it and starts laughing, "No sister, the paper says it was the Sahara Pipeline that was laid by 1400 men in six months."

Bob Zany's Goodwill Tour Bob Zany's
Goodwill Tour

Click here to see the photos!
2019 Dates
and Venues

Aug. 8
Del Lago Casino
Waterloo, NY
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Aug. 16
Sea Pines Golf Resort
Los Osos, CA
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Aug. 19-25
Laugh Factory
Las Vegas, NV
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Aug. 30-31
The Nugget
Bob Zany in Concert
Carson City, NV
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Aug. 30-31
The Nugget
Taping Carson City Tonight
Carson City, NV
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Sept. 6
Performing Arts Center
Munster, IN
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Sept. 7
Green Acres
Kokomo, IN
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Sept. 8
The Bruin House
Pittsboro, IN
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Sept. 18-22
The Improv
Lake Tahoe, NV
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Sept. 28-Oct. 12
Norwegian Cruise
Out of NYC
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Oct. 18-19
Dry Bar Comedy taping
Provo, UT
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Oct. 22
Throckmorton
Mill Valley, CA
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Nov. 6
The Whiskey House
Ankeny, IA
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Nov. 7
L-Treyn's Bar
Keokuk, IA
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Nov. 8
The Capitol Theater
Burlington, IA
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Nov. 9
The Main Event
Mason City, IA
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Nov. 12-17
Laugh Factory
Reno, NV
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Nov. 21

Rockford, IL
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Nov. 22
The Pixy Theater
Edinburgh, IN
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Nov. 23
VFW
Sullivan, IL
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Dec. 13-14
The Grove
Lowell, AR
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Dec. 31
Kwataqnuk Flathead Resort & Casino
w/ Willie Tyler & Lester,
Jimmy "JJ" Walker
Polson, MT
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Jan. 4
w/ Jimmy Walker
Edgeton, WI
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For information: 818-314-9577
Email: abcmess57@gmail.com

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