Click on a year to see the reports: 2008 2007 2006 2004 2003
August 29, 2006
First Up:
Astronomers have removed Pluto from the list of planets, saying that it no longer fits their criteria. However, the huge lump of spinning hot gas has been reclassified as a Star Jones.
Item 2:
A man from Finland won the mobile phone throwing championship with a distance of 292 feet. He was awarded the gold medal and a congratulatory call from past winner Naomi Campbell.
Item 3:
DatelineŚLondon A controversial new show debuted in The West End recently. It features a naked woman cuddling a dead pig. It's called "25 Years of Marriage," changed from the play's working title of "Brittany & Kevin"
Item 4:
Dr. Dean Ornish says the three best ways to beat stress include getting a dog, going to church and making love. The doctor advises that if you really want to avoid stress, don't do all three at once.
Item 5:
According to The Gay and Lesbian Alliance, only nine homosexuals are depicted on network TV this season. Defensive execs were quick to point out that when you factor in shots of Kathy Griffin's audience, every show on Bravo and commercials starring Ryan Seacrest, the numbers shoot up dramatically.
Item 6:
New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter is coming out with his own cologne. It smells like a mixture of sweat, pine tar and Mariah Carey. It's called "My Fingers."
And Finally:
An old sailor puts on his uniform and heads for the docks to hire a hooker one last time. Soon he's convinced he's going at it pretty good for a man his age and asks, "How am I doing?" The prostitute replies, "Well old sailor, you're doing about three knots." "Three knots?" he replies, "What's that supposed to mean?" "You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back!"

Bob Zany's Goodwill Tour Bob Zany's
Goodwill Tour

Click here to see the photos!
2019 Dates
and Venues

Aug. 8
Del Lago Casino
Waterloo, NY
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Aug. 16
Sea Pines Golf Resort
Los Osos, CA
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Aug. 19-25
Laugh Factory
Las Vegas, NV
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Aug. 30-31
The Nugget
Bob Zany in Concert
Carson City, NV
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Aug. 30-31
The Nugget
Taping Carson City Tonight
Carson City, NV
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Sept. 6
Performing Arts Center
Munster, IN
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Sept. 7
Green Acres
Kokomo, IN
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Sept. 8
The Bruin House
Pittsboro, IN
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Sept. 18-22
The Improv
Lake Tahoe, NV
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Sept. 28-Oct. 12
Norwegian Cruise
Out of NYC
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Oct. 18-19
Dry Bar Comedy taping
Provo, UT
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Oct. 22
Throckmorton
Mill Valley, CA
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Nov. 6
The Whiskey House
Ankeny, IA
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Nov. 7
L-Treyn's Bar
Keokuk, IA
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Nov. 8
The Capitol Theater
Burlington, IA
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Nov. 9
The Main Event
Mason City, IA
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Nov. 12-17
Laugh Factory
Reno, NV
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Nov. 21

Rockford, IL
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Nov. 22
The Pixy Theater
Edinburgh, IN
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Nov. 23
VFW
Sullivan, IL
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Dec. 13-14
The Grove
Lowell, AR
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Dec. 31
Kwataqnuk Flathead Resort & Casino
w/ Willie Tyler & Lester,
Jimmy "JJ" Walker
Polson, MT
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Jan. 4
w/ Jimmy Walker
Edgeton, WI
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For information: 818-314-9577
Email: abcmess57@gmail.com

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